Do you call yourself any of these in the privacy of your thoughts?
When frustrated, overwhelmed, or stressed it’s easy to resort to name calling, especially with ourselves. This tendency is a common cognitive distortion known as labeling and, if left unchecked, can become a habit with corrosive effects on our relationship with ourselves. Just like in any relationship, being reduced to a label hurts.
Like other cognitive distortions, labeling is a way the brain takes a shortcut by using one moment, action or characteristic as a summation of our whole selves. When losing a job promotion, we call ourselves a loser; forgetting a friend’s birthday, we tell ourselves we’re stupid or when a relationship ends we label ourselves as broken.
As with all change the first step is becoming aware of this sneaky distortion. Pay attention to the language you use with yourself, particularly when things don’t go as planned. It’s easy for these internal barbs to fly under the radar of our awareness in the moment only to be left with feelings of inadequacy or shame in its aftermath.
Once uncovered, use it as an opportunity to take a deep dive into your definition of the label. To expose the lie behind the label challenge your brain to sidestep its preferred shortcut and take a more detailed detour instead. Define Terms is a powerful method used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy based on the premise that there’s no such thing as a “loser,” “jerk,” or “failure,” and the like. Though traits and actions can be seen as positive or negative, we are complex beings who don’t fit a singular label. Using a process of Socratic questioning, the Define Terms Method helps widen the scope of labeling to crush its legitimacy in our minds. Here is a worksheet I use with clients that will help you dismantle the power of this distortion.
