This is the second of a 2-part series uncovering common roadblocks to getting what you want with ways to kick them to the curb. Last time, you learned the pitfalls of spending too much time on what you don’t want and strategies for how to take the wheel of your attention and start looking through your windshield instead of the rear-view mirror.
Today, you’ll use your attention to learn about how lack of clarity blocks you from what you want.
I want to be happy
I don’t want to be anxious
I want to feel better
I wan’t more self-esteem
Any of these sound familiar?
If so, we need to talk!
The lack of clarity in these common answers might be the very thing holding you back from what you want. It’s like asking Google to navigate to northwest. You might end up heading in the general direction, but you probably have a better chance at winning the Powerball Lottery than arriving at your desired destination.
When people tell me they just want to be happy I ask them how they’ll know when they get there. They usually tilt their head with confusion at this question and say they’re not exactly sure, to which I follow with, “how do you know you’re not there now?” Without clarity, we have a tendency to rely on our thoughts and feelings to guide us. The problem is that without inspection, neither are especially reliable. It’s easy to confuse feelings for facts and thoughts for observations, so getting clear on what you really want and why you want it is work worth doing. Also, terms like “happy” and “better” have as many definitions as the people who think them, so without specificity you could end up unwittingly sabotaging things before you get out the door.
Strategy: Get Specific & Know Your Reasons
The quickest route to utilizing this strategy is by answering some well-crafted questions. You’ll get the most from this exercise by actually writing down your answers. Trying to answer them in your head will do little; the mind moves too quickly to break through this roadblock from the inside.
The questions are designed to challenge your mind. You will want to skim and skip them; your brain will tell you they’re unnecessary and unimportant. It won’t be easy to override this resistance, because the answers will reveal you to yourself. But if you’re willing to take the leap on behalf of your future self, the answers you’ll uncover will not only save you time in the long run, they’ll lay the groundwork for creating a map for getting exactly what you want. I’ve listed some questions to start with below.
How will you know when you have what you want?
What do you believe is holding you back from having what you want now?
What will you be feeling/not feeling when you have what you want?
What will you be thinking/not thinking when you have what you want?
What will you be doing/not doing when you have what you want?
What will be different/the same when you have what you want?
What will having what you want give you that you don’t think is available to you now?
What are the top 3 reasons you want what you want?
What do you like/dislike about those reasons?
What would you be giving up in order to get what you want
& are you willing to pay this price? Why/why not?
