When we start something new, we naturally look to our past to assess our own capability of achieving it. This creates a problem because we aren’t going to find a new future by looking to our past. Instead, what we’ll find is what we’ve already created and what we already know. This dilemma leaves us with the tension of going for something we want without having evidence of our capacity for success. Without understanding this process and knowing what it takes to move forward into the unknown, most of us will give up before we even start.
An initial source of of confusion is believing we should feel confident right out of the gate. This entitlement to confidence can sabotage efforts prematurely, but overcoming this obstacle is easy when we learn the source of confidence and what it really takes to get there.
Confidence is not what propels us to achieve a goal, it’s what we feel once we’ve accomplished it.
Before we feel confidence, we need to activate commitment.
Commitment is defined as an agreement or pledge to do something in the future (Merriam-Webster) a promise or firm decision to do something:
willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something you believe in (Cambridge Dictionary)
Just as in the traditional wedding vows, it’s a promise for future allegiance “in sickness and in health.”
Commitment requires you to make a promise to yourself and uphold it. To think it through and commit to action.
Now be forewarned: as soon as you make a commitment to do something you’ve never done before, your brain will offer you lots of reason why it won’t work and it’s a terrible idea. As a result, you’ll feel a lot of doubt and anxiety.
This means you’re doing it right!
It’s your brain’s job to keep you safe, not put you in harm’s way by entering into uncharted territory. As soon as you consider moving into the unknown your brain is going to sound the alarm and make every effort to convince you to give up your goal in favor of the security and certainty of the status quo.
But if what you’ve been doing and what you’ve known has kept you stuck or held you back, then it’s time to do something different.
Another obstacle that can take us off track early on is the tendency to be reckless and dismissive with our promises to ourselves. We justify this with thoughts like, “who cares,” or “I don’t feel like it.” But these micro-infidelities with ourselves have consequences; they chip away at trust in ourselves and undermine our self-respect.
Not feeling like doing something is not a reason not to do it. If you want to achieve something you haven’t achieved before, you have to be willing to uphold commitments to yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable and even when your brain tries to convince you to abandon ship.
Pro Tip: start by making small commitments. It’s better to start small. Make a plan at least 24 hours in advance; whether it’s what you’re going to eat, the time you’re going to spend on a project or any action you want to take. Make this commitment thoughtfully; be kind to your future self. Write it down; then follow through. If you do this every day for two weeks you’ll notice feeling better about yourself. Having a more reliable relationship with yourself is a great springboard to bigger goals. But start small to set yourself up for success and give yourself opportunities to celebrate small victories.
