1)
Presence. Show up and be present; not just when it’s convenient and fun, but also when it’s important for the other person (ie visits to the hospital, graduations, funerals, weddings, etc.) It’s easy to talk yourself out of these events by telling yourself things like, “they won’t even notice if I don’t go.” But when it comes to loving, your presence matters.
2) Attention. This means putting your phone down, turning off the TV and tuning in to the other person. It means making eye contact, maybe offering touch; seeing and being seen. Attention also involves giving space for words, asking questions and not just making statements. Listening and not just talking. Attention doesn’t require a lot of time, but creating moments of connection in this way is a crucial ingredient in loving.
3)
Acceptance. This is the willingness to recognize and accept the other person as being different from you without turning away, pushing away or walking away. To allow another to be separate while staying open to accepting them for who they are is part of loving. This requires the emotional maturity to tolerate differences and disagreements without closing your heart and mind.
4)
Alignment. What you think, feel, say and do are congruent. This is about not pretending, lying or hiding. This means having the courage to be your authentic self with another. Self-knowledge is a prerequisite to loving because you cannot be honest and clear with someone if you’re deceiving yourself.
5)
Micro-Care. This reflects the small accommodations and sensitivities we extend to another’s world. We all have our idiosyncrasies; the way we like our coffee, our favorite treats, temperature, music and movie preferences, etc. Being responsive to these simple but powerful nuances of another is a way of communicating love through gestures that express, “you matter and you are not alone.”
