Begin by rating how bad you feel on a scale of 0 – 10 (0 = not bad at all and 10 = the worst I could ever imagine feeling). Once you have this number, move on to the first step.
- Write down or record all your thoughts. I call this a Thought Jot in my online program. This simple exercise is a way for you to become aware of what your brain is telling you about a situation. Once you get your thoughts down, re-read or listen to them and come up with a title. In other words, if your Thought Jot was a book what would the title of the book be?
One example that many people, including me, struggle with is when something disturbing happens in the world.
Here’s an example of part of a Thought Jot:
I need to do something to make the world a safer place.
My children shouldn’t have to be exposed to this kind of fear.
I have to protect my children.
I can’t do anything about violence in the world.
The title of this could be The World Is A Dangerous Place
- What is this creating in your life? By keeping attention on the thoughts listed above, the perception of danger to myself and my children would likely cause my fear to amplify. As a result, I would be on high alert for other possible dangers. I’d likely be preoccupied with sources of danger and even overlook signs my family is safe or ways to reinforce safety.
- Apply self-compassion. Most of the time we default to judgment at this stage of awareness, which keeps us stuck. Instead, remind yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong or guilty of anything. You’re just having thoughts generating difficult emotions and that’s ok. There’s nothing else you’re supposed to be thinking or doing and nothing has to change. Your goal here is just to be aware, understand yourself, and make space to feel your emotions.
- Review your Thought Jot and ask yourself three questions: What else could be true? What could I be missing? Is it possible I’m wrong?
Using the same example, I might allow for the possibility that there may be ways to increase safety I haven’t yet considered. Or maybe I’m expecting myself to guarantee a future safety that is not possible to ensure. I might also consider that though some fear is important to stay aware, it doesn’t mean I have to live in fear. By letting these questions pave the way for a new perspective, I’ll be less inclined to scare myself by seeing the world and my family’s safety as black and white.
- Once you answer the questions in #4, ask yourself, “What would I want to put my attention on deliberately that I can believe?”
In this example, I would want to focus on the fact that I believe the world is both dangerous and safe; that there are violent people but there are also loving people.
Now re-rate how bad you feel now using the 0-10 scale from the beginning of the exercise. If it hasn’t gone down go back through the five steps and spend a bit more time with the process until you get a reduction in your bad feeling.
